Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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