I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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