I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
