Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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