i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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