A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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