Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
