I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
