i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
