i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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