Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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