Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
