i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
