my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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