It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
