last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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