super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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