Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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