so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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