Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
