She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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