You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
