It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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