I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
