you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
