Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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