i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
