There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
