Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
