My first STD was from a foam party
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
