you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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