I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
