Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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