as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
