Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize