you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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