Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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