To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
