yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
