shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Randomize
