He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
