Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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