I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My liver just had a heart attack.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
