Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
