I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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