another moral hangover. fuck.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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