well I can't set my house on fire every night
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
