don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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