Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
