I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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