May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
