btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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