we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
