i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize