You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
