he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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