nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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