Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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