the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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