Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
