I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
