She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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