I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
