I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
