I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
