I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just pynch a tree in the face
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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