so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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