Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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