I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
