the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
